Sick and tired of being sick and tired

You’re probably beyond frustrated because you keep getting derailed by pain, fatigue, nausea, and/or various other symptoms of your chronic illness. You still get excited about things, like a new project at work or hosting a get-together for your friends—but your body often has other plans. At the same time, maybe you’re also really bored; you didn’t want to spend another evening on the couch watching TV, yet here you are again. You might understand the phrase “the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak” better than anyone.

Maybe you’ve had health problems for as long as you can remember, or maybe this is all new to you. Perhaps you’ve been through years of doctor visits, of diagnosis and treatment, but the answer(s) never felt quite right and didn’t help—or the treatment actually made things worse. You may have been misdiagnosed, dismissed, gaslighted, and/or harmed by the medical system. The people who were supposed to help you didn’t take your pain and any other symptoms of your chronic illness seriously. They may have even blamed you for being sick.

Whatever your circumstances, you probably used to feel better than you do now. You feel like you used to be so much more; lately your life has become smaller. When you’ve encountered a problem, at work or at home, you’ve always been able to solve it eventually, with your trademark determination and creativity, but in a way that seems like another lifetime. At least a part of you feels like you’re grieving a life you lost.

Microaggressions, misogyny, and mental illness

Being part of a marginalized group means being on the receiving end of microaggressions (like unsolicited health advice) and other pieces of systemic oppression. As a woman with a chronic illness, you are part of at least two marginalized groups: You are subjected not only to sexism and misogyny, but also to ableism and healthism. If you’re not white, straight, and/or cisgender, the systemic oppression only increases.

Your symptoms may not always be obvious to other people. Your chronic illness may be unpredictable, making planning and pacing yourself very difficult. You’ve found some things that help you feel a little better, and you’ve identified a few things that make the situation worse. Those things may not be what most people would like to believe. For instance, spending time outdoors can be nice sometimes, but it isn’t a cure-all. In fact, for many people with allergies, temperature-regulation difficulties, or sensitivity to sunlight, it can be miserable—if not downright dangerous. And that’s just one example of the unsolicited advice you may regularly receive; when you add them all up, it can be exhausting.

When you tell people (doctors and others) about your pain and how you’re too sick and tired to do the things you want to do, they may say you have a mental illness (usually depression or anxiety, but you may also hear somatic symptom disorder, illness anxiety disorder, conversion disorder, factitious disorder, and more) and that’s why you’re sick and in pain. They may say losing weight will solve all of your problems. Even if you disagree, it’s hard to keep trusting yourself when these messages are so prevalent in our society.

What to expect from online therapy in Portland, Seattle, and surrounding areas

As a feminist therapist who is fat-positive and disability-justice oriented, I work from a liberation perspective. I believe that all bodies are good bodies, and that includes your body. Therapy for professional women who have chronic pain and/or chronic illnesses is not:

• Me insisting that you work even harder to keep up with impossible, ableist standards or training you to “be more positive.”

• Me diagnosing you with a mental illness or disorder.

• Me fixing you.

• Me curing your chronic pain or chronic illness.

If it’s not that, then what is it? Good question! First, you’ll fill out the contact form to schedule an initial 15-minute complementary consultation to see if we’re a good fit for each other. If we decide we’re not, I’ll give you referrals for other therapists who may be a better fit for your needs. And if we do decide to work together, then I’ll make you an appointment for a full first session (scheduled about a week out so that you have time to complete the intake paperwork) where we can start digging in together.

It's likely that you’ve experienced some combination of being ignored, misdiagnosed, and gaslighted about your chronic illness, often for years, so our work together will take time. It’s possible that you’ll feel even worse, as we call out all of the bullshit you’ve been subjected to, before you begin to feel better. (Yes, I’ll probably swear at some point during session; please feel free to do the same. A well-placed “fuck!” can be very therapeutic.)

A note about diagnosis: As a feminist therapist, I don’t subscribe to the “medical model.” I believe that what many people call “mental illnesses” or “disorders” are natural, and often brilliant, protective responses to oppression and other forms of trauma. While I have the training and credentials to give clients diagnoses from the DSM, I only do so under specific circumstances, such as when a client needs it to apply for disability benefits or to seek reimbursement from their insurance plan. In these instances, we’ll collaborate on a decision that’s in your best interests.

If you’re looking for a quick fix or someone to help you “stop being so negative and just think more positive,” I am definitely not the therapist for you. But if you’re ready to take a look at how systemic oppression is harming you—and learn what you can and what you cannot do about it—I’d love to meet you. If we work together, I won’t promise that I can cure your pain (in fact, I promise you that I can’t). But I will be there beside you—encouraging you and reminding you that you are always enough, no matter what.

Click here to get started.