New Year’s Resolutions: What to do when you feel like giving up
[Image description: a Canva template featuring brown text on a peach background. Text reads: “New Year, new you! What’s your new year’s resolution?”]
January 2023 was going to be different: That’s when you were finally going to “get healthy.” You’d stick to a meticulous daily/weekly/monthly schedule to plan, prep, and cook gorgeous, delicious, and nutritious meals from scratch. You’d exercise at least six days a week. You’d go to bed early and get up early and generally become a whole new person—a better, healthier one. After all, it’s “new year, new you,” right?
When the going gets tough…
If you’re anything like my clients, you accomplish what you set out to do. If you’re determined to make something happen, it’s going to happen one way or another. Plus, you probably grew up hearing messages like these: It’s important to finish what you started, all you need is to have more willpower and work harder, and that “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” If you grew up in the U.S., you’ve been bombarded with these and other similar messages for most of your life. Even if you grew up somewhere else, chances are good that you’ve still been exposed to way too much of it. It’s just especially terrible here.
It makes sense when you think about how much both the Protestant work ethic and capitalism (and it’s difficult to separate the two) affect our lives in this country. They’re so prevalent that it can be hard to realize that they’re even there, influencing nearly every decision we make. We’re simultaneously fighting for resources that are being hoarded by a select few and demonstrating our devotion to the system by working hard and keeping busy—too busy and tired to fight back against the system. And if you’ve been sticking with a New Year’s resolution to lose weight, you’re also too hungry to revolt.
[Image description: A Black woman holds a small head of Boston lettuce. She’s wearing a casual and colorful striped dress in pinks and blues, a silver necklace with a heart pendant, and bright pink lipstick. Her hair is a medium-length, wavy deep blue wig. She’s comfortable and confident in her fat body, and pretty dubious about the lettuce. Photo credit: Body Liberation Photos]
Speaking of hunger, did you know that most of what we’ve been told about willpower is wrong? Every time you resist the delicious-smelling cookies your co-worker baked, you don’t get better at resisting; you actually get worse at it. You feel worse too. And since research shows that we get more nutrition from foods we enjoy, you might as well savor that cookie without guilt. Much better than if you were to break down and eat it in shame later in the day or force yourself to eat something you hate instead. The same is true of exercise: You’ll get much more benefit from moving regularly in ways you enjoy. Remember, all movement is exercise—and in a capitalist society, rest is even more important than exercise. And there is absolutely zero proof that intentional weight-loss is sustainable long-term. None. Even if there were, weight is not an indicator of worth or health.
What if you’re already enough?
So if a lot of the stuff people make New Year’s resolutions about is bullshit, and they won’t actually succeed, then why is there such a push for us to make them? Maybe you’ve guessed it by now: When we believe there’s something wrong with us, we feel bad about ourselves. So then we try to fix ourselves, which usually means buying things, like diet program memberships, expensive home exercise equipment, gym membership contracts that nothing short of death will get you out of. When those fixes don’t work, we often buy other things to try to ease the pain. Think how many products—even companies—would vanish if we all decided we were enough just as we are!
Fixed it! [Image text reads: “When you feel like quitting, remember that it’s OK to quit. @ DazzlingSpoonsCounseling.” The words “why you started” have been crossed out and replaced with “that it’s OK to quit.”]
My wish for 2023, and every year, is for you to believe this: You don’t need to work harder or be better. You are already wonderful! You need rest and support in many areas. How different would your life be if institutions (government, health care, education, etc.) resolved to improve themselves instead of placing all of the responsibility on you? While we work toward building a world like that, remember that your worth is not measured by your productivity or anything else. You are worthy of care simply because you exist on this planet. Whatever your New Year’s resolution is, if you’re feeling like you want to give up on it, it’s OK to do that. Quitting does not automatically mean failure—and even if it did, it would only mean that you failed at accomplishing [fill in the blank]. It would absolutely not mean that you are a failure. You are not a failure; you are wonderful, and I’m so glad you’re here.